The pain of teaching Phulkas to a beginner

Once I had the torture of treating a “bachelor_hard core dosa/pongal eater” from south to lunch that was instantly planned and forced upon me. Since we met after a long time & had a lot to catch upon, we continued our chat over the kitchen table with him blabbering & me sweating out whipping a quick meal. Rice & curries were done and it was time for Phulkas which I regret even now for choosing for the menu. Being treated to hard shell, irregular shape, burnt chapatis by his wife, he was amazed with the perfectly round 360 degree fluffed soft phulkas that I was preparing. Resolved to pass on the art to his wife, the guy who never attempted to see how a kitchen looks like, settled down to taking down the notes on making them. Only if I had realized what a pain it is to explain rocket science to a layman…With the trouble of explaining, what I also hated was his desi English accent which fueled my desire of murdering him right there.

Me : It’s very simple, very much  like chapatti, just the way of baking it is different.

Him : No di, not like this.. Start from the ingredients.

Me : Okay, it’s just wheat flour, oil, salt & water.

Him : What is the proportion?

Me : Your wife would know.. It’s very basic

Him : No di.. I need every detail.

Me : For a cup of flour approx., you will need 2-3 spoon of oil, a pinch of salt & may be quarter cup of water.

Him : Normal wheat flour-aa? And which spoon, table-aa tea-aa? No approx water, tell me exact quantity in ml.

Me : This is common sense..leave it to her. So once you knead the dough, leave it to settle for at least 20 mins.

Him : How much to knead? And why keep aside for 20 mins? Fermenting-va?

Me : No.. ( I feel better to agree with his assumption) YES !

Him : Nextu?

Me : Roll it evenly and transfer to the preheated tawa. Even before the chapatti catches baked dots, turn it over, let the second side bake completely after which place the first baked side directly over flames & watch it fluff..

Him : Ayyoo wait-aa wait.. which side on flame?

Me : The first side, which you had put on tawa immediately after rolling

Him : The one that was fully cooked-aa?

Me : No, which was partially cooked…which we turned over even before its first brown spot

Him : What about the second side di?

Me : Second side is completely cooked on tawa

Him : Then why to put it on flame again?

Me : No, we put the other side on flame.

Him : Which side is this? Third-aa?

Me : WHAT? Where did the third side come from?

Him : You are confusing.. the one that was half baked will go on fire-aa?

Me : YES ! You got it. (Finally, PHEW)

Him : Then which side is left to bake on tawa?

Me : I give up… Please bring home your wife once for lunch, I better teach her.

Him : Why are you annoyed di.. pleaZe tell which side will go on tawa

Me : If you don’t stop, I won’t mind throwing you on tawa.

Him : Which side di?

Me : GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR !

Tips folks.. Keep you guest out of your kitchen, if you don’t wish to get cooked while teaching them the recipe.

Much annoyed,

Ashwini